Friction: The Quiet Force Shaping Life with Adult ADHD

If you have ever found yourself standing in the kitchen, determined to make a cup of tea, only to discover twenty minutes later that you are alphabetising the spice rack while the kettle remains cold, you may already know something about the mysterious force of friction. This is not the sort that keeps your socks from sliding across the floor, but the kind that quietly inserts itself between your intentions and your actions, especially if you are living with ADHD.

Understanding Friction in Everyday Life

Friction, in this context, is not about physical resistance, although sometimes it can feel just as real. It is the invisible drag that makes starting, switching, or stopping tasks feel inexplicably difficult. Friction can appear as a series of small obstacles. Some are so subtle they are easy to ignore, while others are persistent enough to become familiar companions. It is not always dramatic. 

Sometimes it is the simple task of remembering where you left your keys, or the mental hurdle of opening an email you have been avoiding. Other times, it is the emotional weight that quietly sits in the background, making everyday decisions feel heavier than they need to be.

Friction is not a sign of failure or a lack of effort. It is a natural part of how brains work, and for those with ADHD, it can be a defining feature of daily life. Recognising this can be the first step towards working with it, rather than fighting against it.

The Many Faces of Friction

Friction can be practical, emotional, or even social. It might be the pile of laundry that never seems to shrink, not because you do not care, but because the thought of starting feels overwhelming. It could be the internal resistance to reaching out to a friend, even when you know a conversation would do you good. Sometimes, friction shows up as a reluctance to end the day, leading to late nights and groggy mornings.

There is also the friction that comes from the world around us. Notifications ping, demands pile up, and there is a constant invitation to switch focus. Each of these adds a layer of resistance, making it harder to move smoothly from one thing to the next.

Friction is not just a nuisance. It can shape the rhythm of life. It influences what gets done, what gets postponed, and what quietly falls off the radar entirely.

Reducing Friction: Smoothing the Path

One of the most helpful things you can do is notice where friction is making life harder than it needs to be. Sometimes, a small change can make a big difference. If you find it difficult to start working in the morning, preparing your workspace the night before can help. If exercise feels like an ordeal, keeping your trainers by the door might make it just easy enough to get going.

Reducing friction is not about seeking perfection or expecting every day to run smoothly. It is about making things a little easier for yourself in ways that matter. This might mean automating bills so you do not have to remember due dates, or preparing meals in advance so you are not caught out by an empty fridge. 

Sometimes it is as simple as giving yourself permission to do things in a way that works for you, rather than the way you think you “should”. There is a quiet power in these adjustments. They are not always dramatic, but over time they can create a sense of momentum. Even a gentle nudge can help you move forward, especially on days when motivation is in short supply.

Adding Friction: Protecting What Matters

While reducing friction can help you get started, there are times when adding a little resistance is just what you need. If you find yourself slipping into habits that leave you feeling drained, such as endless scrolling, late-night emails, or one more episode when you know you need sleep, it might be time to introduce some gentle barriers.

This does not have to be punitive. It could be as simple as charging your phone in another room at night, or using an app that limits your access to social media during work hours. The aim is not to make life harder, but to create a pause and a moment to check in with yourself before you act on impulse.

Adding friction in this way can help you protect your time, your energy, and your emotional wellbeing. It is a way of honouring your boundaries, even when your brain is nudging you towards the path of least resistance.

The Emotional Side of Friction

Friction is not just about tasks and routines. It can also shape your emotional world. When things feel hard, it is easy to slip into self-criticism or compare yourself to others who seem to glide through life with ease. Friction is not a character flaw. It is part of the terrain you are navigating.

There may be days when the resistance feels especially strong, and even small tasks seem insurmountable. Many people with ADHD experience these moments, and they do not mean you are failing. Sometimes, the most compassionate thing you can do is to acknowledge the friction, take a breath, and give yourself permission to start again, no matter how small the step.

Inviting Curiosity: Where Do You Need More or Less Friction?

If you are reading this and recognising yourself in these words, you might be wondering where friction is showing up in your own life. Is it in the morning routine that never quite sticks, or the projects that linger unfinished? Are there places where a little less resistance would make things easier, or where a gentle barrier could help you focus on what matters?

Take a moment to reflect. There is no right or wrong answer, and what works for one person might not work for another. You might find that reducing friction around chores gives you more energy for creative pursuits, or that adding a bit of resistance to digital distractions frees up time for rest and connection.

This is not about overhauling your life overnight. It is about small experiments, trying something new, noticing what changes, and being willing to adjust as you go. Sometimes, the most meaningful progress comes from these quiet shifts, rather than grand gestures. If you find yourself stuck, try to approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgement. Sometimes, the answer is not to push harder, but to change the shape of the path. And if all else fails, put the kettle on. Sometimes a cup of tea is the best way to soften the edges of a sticky day.