Unplugged and Recharged
Reclaiming Focus in a Connected World
Introduction: The Fluff Factor
Not so very long ago, somewhat uncharacteristically, I had a tantrum. Not a full on ‘toys out of the pram’ tantrum, more of a ‘now, look here…’ kind of tantrum. The reason was to do with what I call fluff.
Losing the Zone: When Productivity Slips
Fluff is the little bits that just clog up the machinery and get in the way of actually, properly getting in the zone and getting stuff done. Frustratingly, for months, I had been finding it increasingly more difficult to get into ‘the zone’. That flow state where pushing whatever work we have in front of us forward can happen with the least amount of resistance or effort. Productivity Nirvana for any ADHD brain and one that is often jealously guarded.
Props and Strategies Lose Their Shine
My props, tools and strategies were becoming less effective. The zen garden meditation music on Spotify in the background to soak up the excess cognitive attention and reduce distraction had become an irritation. The ‘let’s keep the office clutter free’ policy had fallen by the wayside and out of sight of the zoom camera the office looked like it had been burgled. The to-do-lists were multiplying and had resulted in a stack of didn’t-do lists.
The ‘Carousel of Impending Joy’
Productivity was falling and with it my confidence in getting things done. The projects I was working on and had started with such enthusiasm had stalled or been pushing back onto what I think of as ‘The Carousel of Impending Joy’. I could explain that one but I think you’ve probably already got the idea. What goes around, comes around. Sometimes when it comes around there is joy, sometimes not, sometimes things just lurk menacingly.
Tantrums, Epiphanies, Unplugging
My tantrum really centred around the number of distractions and proved, as with most tantrums, to be entirely ineffective. I have finally, however, had an epiphany. It takes time, you know? I messaged my very nearest and dearest and told them I was turning my phone off for a couple of days. I was going to unplug. I felt a pressing need to disconnect without entirely understanding why at the time. Now I’ve figured it out. It comes from a pressing and unmet need to reconnect with myself.
Creeping Connectedness
Since October last year I have fundamentally changed the way in which I have been using my phone. I’ve become much more reactive and responsive to messages. There is a reason for this but I hadn’t noticed how this has crept into the way in which I have been working. It's been quietly and insidiously eroding some of my most important work/life boundaries.
Boundaries and the Third Space
For many of the people I coach, clarifying and maintaining effective boundaries between home and work is an area that requires constant vigilance. The difficulties can be particularly acute for those who work from home. If we are not diligent we can find ourselves in a sort of mental third space where we are neither fully ‘at home’ or fully ‘at work’ and without effective boundaries this third space becomes our new normal. We are never fully out of ‘work’ or fully at ‘home’. This means that we are not fully present in the now or with whoever we are with. (A not uncommon source of frustration for one’s Beloved.)
Small Rituals, Big Impact
I remember a client once telling me that someone they knew used to put on a coat in the morning, leave the house and walk round the block before arriving back for work. Such tactics can be surprisingly effective.
A friend had the perfect office at the end of the garden and this worked very well for her until she started working from the dining room because it was raining and started using the garden summerhouse to store ‘stuff’. A good start but compromised.
Too Available? Rethinking Accessibility
My own problem essentially stems from making myself too available. I’m taking steps. I’m going to stop checking and responding to emails during the day. Emails are other people’s priorities but I’ve had a word with myself and reminded myself that I get to choose when other people’s priorities will become my priorities.
Digital Boundaries to Take Control
I’m going to do something about Whatsapp on the office PC. Because it’s linked to the phone, personal messages flash up in the corner of the monitor. So a tweak in settings is required. I bought a business phone number a few months ago with a plan to do something to separate business and personal phones. Guess what? It’s still a plan. Actually, that’s not true. I bought the number with the intention of creating a plan. Planning to make a plan but then failing to follow through, make a plan and take action.
Muting for Confidence
The phone is going outside the office and I’m going to mute it completely. My nearest and dearest can still get hold of me. I just won’t respond until office hours have finished. As an added step I’ve tweaked the phone settings and created ‘work’ mode. Now I won’t even see that someone has messaged if I look at the phone.
Yesterday, (phone off) I managed to easily get in ‘the zone’ and had a cracking day. I got a lot done and was pleased with the results. Confidence is up and I feel I have more control. It’s where I need to be. Not only for the boosted productivity but for the mental comfort it brings. The protection it provides from potential slides in mood and the frustration that results from the mismatch between desired and actual outcomes
The Big ‘Why’
At the core of this issue, the ‘big why’, if you like, is the decision to make some solid improvements in how I relate to myself. It’s all very well saying that we should be our own best friend but what does that look like? How does one consistently do that?
A New Relationship with Yourself
I approached this as one might approach a new relationship and considered what is important to me, what my needs are and what I must do to protect those things. I have fundamentally changed the way in which I relate to myself. The process has not been easy. Parts of it have been very difficult. The phone thing is a lingering and residual symptom of a life approach that no longer serves and which I am consciously moving away from.
Changing Patterns & Habits
My perspectives have changed as I have examined the beliefs and approaches of the past. I have found some of them seriously out of alignment with what I need now and in the future. I have had to determine new ways of doing things and some of these changes are taking some getting used to as residual thinking patterns try to reassert themselves. Work in progress. I’m doing okay but it’s burnt a fair amount of cognitive and emotional energy.
Strategies to Move Forward
The frustration in the office and the changing relationship to other people’s priorities and new routines around my phone are a kind of residue from what is now the past. Now, I need to put in place the strategies to ensure the future that I want to have. Since I have determined that my relationship with me is going to be the best that it has ever been from here on, putting the strategies in place is a tip-top personal priority.
Connecting Through Conscious Choice
Incidentally, although I have been tempted to turn the phone on and check it for messages I have resisted. I don’t feel disconnected from the world or my people but I do feel more connected to myself.
In the old days mobile phones were very heavy and were left on street corners and in railway stations. Usually they were painted red so that they could be found easily and so that no one walked into them. They had a peculiar smell. It was rare to hear one ringing.
Conscious Choices, Better Outcomes
In being over connected, particularly to social media, we allow our relationship to ourselves to become corrupted by living partly through the lives of others. Our habits around connectedness and our use of mobile devices leaves us overlooking our ability to make conscious choices. I’ve made mine, made a plan and taken action. I feel better already.
Designing Your Own Connection
I guess the takeaway here is the suggestion to consider how ‘available’ we are in this increasingly connected world. A world so connected that we need to be more conscious of how we connect, with whom and when. A reminder that we have agency over how we do this and that conscious intention is the route to designing and controlling the way that we connect with others and importantly how others connect with us.
You might find it helpful to consider a few gentle prompts as you navigate your own relationship with technology and productivity.
Notice Your Own ‘Fluff’
Take a moment to identify what clogs up your mental machinery. Is it constant notifications, a cluttered workspace or the pull of social media? Awareness is the first step in clearing a path back to your zone.
Experiment with Digital Boundaries
Try switching your phone off for a set period or muting notifications during deep work. Observe how this shift affects your focus and mood. You might be surprised by how much lighter you feel. Think you’ll miss something? Think again, you won’t. You’ll gain something you hadn’t realised was missing.
Create Small Rituals for Transition
Whether it’s a walk round the block before starting work or a simple cup of tea to mark the end of your day, rituals can help you move between roles and spaces with greater intention. These rituals serve as important boundary markers to contain work with work and home within home even though both may occupy the same physical space. Just the act of shutting the office door behind you as you leave can serve to create a physical and symbolic boundary to protect and contain what’s important.
Revisit Your Availability
Ask yourself: am I too available? Consider setting clearer boundaries around when you respond to messages or emails. Remember, you are allowed to choose when others’ priorities become your own.
Check In With Yourself
Pause regularly to ask how you are feeling and what you need. This simple habit can help you stay connected to yourself, especially when the world feels busy or demanding.
Review and Adjust Your Strategies
If old tactics are losing their shine, give yourself permission to try new ones. What worked before may not work now and that’s perfectly natural. It’s called evolution. Embrace it.
Celebrate Small Wins
Notice and appreciate the days when you do get in the zone or make a positive change, no matter how small. These moments build confidence and reinforce your ability to design your own connection.
It is possible to consciously shape a more satisfying relationship with your time, your technology and yourself.